first, redang is too overrated. in my humble opinion.
second, i will never ever not apply any suntan lotion before going for any suntanning sessions. because, i paid a price for this gay kiang-ness by vomitting twice in the car which also forces me to smell my own puke from the plastic bag and causing me to lie on the bed from evening till the next morning in genting's hotel which i was suppose to be enjoying.
third, i have a head of BLACK BLACK HAIR NOW. i am sooooooooo happy with this colour despite the fact that it is a tad too black to be natural but who cares! i am finally ditching coloured hair after 9 months. now i look like im wearing a wig.
forth, sim still hasn't give us anything and according to their say, course commences on 1st april which means in 2 weeks time yet nothing yet. everyday, i don't know what we're waiting for. but the irony thing is, i hope they wouldn't bother to give me a reply because there are many reasons which i am not going to share here. in any case, i am not THAT shameless, thick skin or self praised enough to even blog it in.
fifth, wei's birthday is approaching and i am excited!!! don't know why i'm more excited la but maybe he is excited too just that we are almost not communicating for the entire week of my vacation. so... ANYWAY, STILL, BDAE CELEBRATION ,YAY!
sixth, look at third point. hair is now smooth too!! uncle-ish brand black hair dye is good you know.
seventh, i am trying to do something new. because you know what? i had enough of the things i heard from the people i DON'T WANT them to say about me. in any case you say i am easily influenced by words, but these people aren't just random nonsensical people like you but yeah you know those people who are not as loserish as you.
these are the above shits i can think of currently because this isn't my main worries or whatever now.
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am happy for oil farm who messaged me yesterday night telling me she is in the same class next sem with her
my cbf actually messaged me when i was redang telling me she missed me. tell me, why am i not born a guy to let a girl (who are obviously much more totful then them) be so sweet and totful to me. WHY!!! JUST WHY AM I NOT A BOYFRIEND BUT A GIRLFRIEND TO SOMEONE ELSE.
sometimes i wished i was a guy totally. and i alr know what kind of girlfriend i'll totally love. but sadly, i am gonna forever be a girlfriend of someone. NAH AH, i am not bisexual. not tested but guaranteed.
i digressed.
hell, i just love my new hair colour though its black. and i can't wait for the hair to grow longer which took yearsssssssssssssssssssssssssssss to do so.
in my point of view,
i think wei and i have a perculiar relationship, not that it is a really good thing.
the fact that we look like just another couple from the outside, but in actual, we're lesser than that.
its probably me but i don't know because this is the first time in any serious relationship that we're not as 'close' or 'consistently in contact'.
i mean, we can do with less than 5 msgs for a few days to go by or totally not contacting for a few days. this is getting very normal and accepting day by day for me alr.
sometimes, we don't even share EVERYTHING that happened for that entire day anymore. i mean for this, its me. not anymore. in the past, it is always a 'mindset' for me to do that but after being together thru these periods, he doesn't have this habit to do so, i continued to do so until eventually i don't know why i have stopped doing too.
things like i bought a new top, dyed, cut my hair, bought this, do that, go anywhere, it used to be all shared with him but now, its only when i see him or talk on the phone or even forgotten and left it unsaid.
not because i am trying to 'copy' him but the fact that it has become a routine of our relationship this way.
and i sometimes don't really quite like the way how our relationship is going on like that. probably to the other side, its alr secured enough not to be contacted that much, not to say too much to each other but, to me, its totally vice versa. i'm more of insecured than the former.
but we know in a r/s, one influences another together so i know there are some things that he doesn't used to do before but because of my 'habits' or whatever, he follow suits and adapts just like how i adapt his 'style' and way of doings.
it gotta be lotsa self convincing and pretending and also maturing for me to come by this far because i know i would have cringed to death from insecurity.
probably this is also a sign that shows the r/s is secured enough for us to maintain the r/s THIS WAY and yet still going on so strong. i can't believe i am actually doing this IN A R/S.
i don't know, if i can be assured security in the r/s this way, i prob don't mind as long as i'm assured but it doesn't seem so. but even if its secured, this kinda r/s and communication doesn't seems too healthy isn 't it?
it may be because he's serving the NATION with the uncertain schedules and tiredness. so that's why i can't wait for the ord. IT WILL BE THE BESTEST 21ST BIRTHDAY PRESENT LA BOYFRIEND.
am i self convincing again?
i think i had enough of my ranting now. am headache from all these nonsense.
bye
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