i am too disgusted by my mushy-ness but i can't help it.

maybe i have the best boyfriend but i don't know how to appreciate.

maybe i am too insecured because our ways of doing things are totally different, resulting different kind of reactions and thoughts.

maybe like what he and they said, i am just too paranoid and think too much.

maybe my boyfriend loves me more than i thought but each time, all i do is believe my thoughts that it is otherwise.

maybe my boyfriend really loves me enough for him to change and do anything he can for me.

maybe because my boyfriend is in the army that he cannot shower his love for me as much as how boyfriends outside army does for their girlfriends.

maybe he cares but i'm just too blinded by all the negatives.

maybe sometimes i make things too hard for him to see the goods of him.

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and i wished very much that wednesday will be the day where we finally get to go together after me hoping for the longest time.

i really wished it will so be happening that whatever doesn't seems to make me happier anymore. except, if we could actually make it happen.

but i know the chances are never high because of the committments.

i've been patiently waiting for so long and i hope i get my deserving returns.

i can't wait to see him though unsure when will be the time.

and by counting down to the new year, is also counting down to our monthsary.. how meaningful. =)

tonight, i missed you a tad too much, especially after speaking on the phone.

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and today at work, someone asked me, 'eh your boyfriend in army, you won't 'go off track meh?''

and i replied instantly, 'why would i?'

and i know when i replied this, the answer is truthfully from the heart.

why would i ever let go of someone who would go to the extend of doing anything to make me feel happy (most of the time)?

or someone who loves me (i think) like he does?

not me. not me. definetely not me.

but why do i feel such big changes on his perceptions of 2 years ago and 2 years later? why do i sometimes missed 2 years back of our shared times?

nevertheless, i wished we'll be together for the longest time.

at 20 and 21, no one will give you a disapproving look and say, 'girl, you're too young for a relationship.' anymore.

but instead, 'girl, if the man you're with now is treating you good, you should cherish.'

and this is very true that no one tells you to not have any BGR but instead the opposite.

WHATEVER LA.

i just wanna see the boyfriend and receiving the big hug and complimentary neck massages.

and one my new year resolution is to treat the boyfriend better and less abusive. i think i can do it. hahaha.

bi. =(